Well! I’ve been MIA from blogging for awhile due to .. a very unfortunate event with my last blog but with the patience and attention of my loving Sir.. I was able to sit back behind the keyboard and get some stuff down..
I just want to put out there – again – how much I appreciate my Dom. my Sir. He is always there for me.. I have been going through a lot lately, and since we are LD (it’s really not that far, but STILL) it’s even harder for me. I’m a very …needy and clingy submissive.. which is not a trait that I enjoy having, but that’s really who I am and I have come to accept it.
Anyways, to quickly summarize: some crazy shit happened that involved my submissive life + university stress + my old blog being revealed + something going really wrong with an item that I bought for Sir that he really wanted PLUS I’ve got some major self esteem issues that I keep hidden away from everyone else out there so recently with all the stresses going on, I had a meltdown. I’m talking a full out crying-my-eyes-out-won’t-even-let-Sir-see-me kind of meltdown. All he could do was sit there… and let me..let it out. I could see the pain in his eyes that he couldn’t hold me and wipe my tears away. I would mutter and say things about myself.. abusing things.. but things that I strongly felt and he would patiently and calmly tell me that I’m wrong, I’m not like that. I finally passed out from all the crying. That was yesterday.
Now today. The initial plan was to travel from where I’m currently living and meet up with Sir for lunch, sit in a cafe until he’s done work, get dinner, go home. One, two, three. Easy peasy. I was in the worst mood ever. I hated myself. My eyes were puffy. I was embarrassed about the night before, ugh, it was awful. I even told Sir that I didn’t want to have lunch with him because I didn’t want him to waste his time on me. …. he wasn’t impressed.. lol. ANYWAY, he sternly told me that I will be going to lunch with him… sooo, I still did – obviously… wouldn’t want to get myself a spanking now.
QUICK SIDE NOTE: Sir.. isn’t too much into spontaneity. He feels that plans that aren’t planned properly.. don’t go as planned (say that fast 4 times.)
WELL, he decided that today he wanted to go to the beach with his little one and spend the rest of the day with her. He took half a day off and we got onto the bus and went along our merry way. Just being with him made me feel a little better. We found our way to a very cute restaurant with a nice patio and had lunch there, then we went over to the beach. We just sat on the grass (yeah…. you’d think the sand right? but uh, we totally weren’t dressed for the beach.. so we chilled on the grass) and relaxed. Enjoyed each other’s company. I was back to my talkative self telling him all about my newest shenanigans. Half way through the day, I was hit with everything the night before and I burst into tears. Sir immediately grabbed me and pulled me into his arms and just held me as I let out my feelings. I told him how I felt.. what I was thinking.. I never told ANYONE how I really feel. He just listened and stroked my hair.. once in awhile just pulling me closer. Once I let it out, I felt a multitude times better..
The rest of the day flew by after that. We had to go our separate ways in the evening but once I got him I sent him a text.. telling him how much I love him and thanked him for the day.. his reply.. was all about how he’s going to be there with me through all of this. We’re going to beat this self esteem issue together and he will always be there for me in the end, no matter what.
So. because of him I was able to open my wordpress and start a new post. I felt like I lost a lot when my last blog was ruined and for weeks I couldn’t even look at it but I’m well acquainted with this community and it’s a very accepting one. I’ve already begun to feel at home.. 🙂